Tears on 4th Ramadhan 1440

Dear Diary,

       Tonight I’m feeling so sad. I just woke up from my sleep and nobody besides me. I feel sad. I think my roommate is sleeping outside tonight. I know I’m supposed to accept the fact that she’s leaving me forever, for real, for a better future.. starting from tomorrow.. but seems like I can’t accept it. Just yet. I know that sooner or later I’ll have to accept the fact that she’s not here anymore. But for now.. I’ll just gonna cry myself to sleep. Oklah bye!

Happy fasting, folks.

Opaque

Hello there, hi.

First and foremost, Ramadhan Kareem! ✨

As you can see, I'm restarting my blog (if you're following me from the beginning, you'll realize). Yeah, I'm rebooting it.

Today, I've been thinking of starting over a new blog. For no describable reason, I just wanna start all over again. But then when I re-think back, it would be a waste. I mean, it's not like everyone know this blog as I only shared the link with some of my friends. So tonight, I log in to my blog, go to the list of entries, delete that thought of starting a new blog, and just archived all my previous entries instead.

Now, let me be honest. This month was pretty hectic for me. Like sometimes I felt so down and entirely demotivated. Sometimes, everything feels so high and exciting! And sometimes, I felt so lonely. The loneliness was deadly. It's not like I was craving for attention. Seriously I get all the attention from my pals, fam, L, even my colleagues, but it was me who told them off. I felt like... Can everyone go shut the f up? Or can I just die now? Or can someone please help kill me? Or I just wanna resign, please. Everything's so tiring.

I don't know folks. I don't even know what it is. I mean, the thing that has been bothering me. I tried talking to someone about this tho. Yes, I did. But, you know... yadda yadda... I've been there, this phase. No worries, it will pass. Other than that, try re-check this and that. There must be something wrong with your ibadah and such. Also got some like, kau jangan layan sangat your dark thoughts tu. And my reply was... "Okay. Noted with thanks.".

Folks, this dark thought, it comes from inside. So please, if you just gonna tell me to re-check my imaan and spiritual and such, thank you so much. Google told me already. I tried already. But I guess, I'll just have to deal with it by myself. No one will understand how's that feel so... let's not wasting our energy.

Anyway, these few days have been much better for me - somehow 🌻

I wish it will continue being better and my old self will come back, enjoying her dream job and living a happy life. As always.

Situasi

Jumaat, 13 Ramadhan 1435

Situasi satu: Ikut mama pi pasar.
       "Ni anak dara yang mana ni? Mengaji mana?"

Situasi dua: Di kedai runcit.
       "Ni yang no dua ke? Amboi dah besar panjang. Dah jadi anak dara."

Situasi tiga: Kat rumah.
       "Alhamdulillah. Anak-anak dara mama ni semua boleh diharap."

- walaupun nampak macam takde benda, tapi entah kenapa gua rasa pelik je dengar haa. Ish ish ish. Jangan la ada sesiapa terkenan nak buat menantu ke apa ke tak payah laa. Awal lagi ni. Phewww.

Bila

Sabtu, 14 Ramadhan 1435

Tiba satu ketika bilamana someone who used to bahasakan diri dia 'orang-dia' dengan kita tapi out of sudden start bahasakan diri 'aku-hang' . . . bapak ah! Awkward level petala ketujuh gua cakap lu.

Twitter

Khamis, 12 Ramadhan 1435

"Weh hani. Kenapa deactivated twitter? Terasa hati dengan sesiapa ke?", tanya seorang seorang akhi.

Lalu gua jawab, "Takde lah. Takde masa nak terasa hati dengan manusia weh. Saja aku larikan diri dari tweet benda-benda lagha macam orang lain buat. Tu je.".

Dan akhi tersebut membalas, "Pehh. Kau baling tepat mengena batang hidung aku weh.".

p/s: Sorry la bro. Sorry. Walau gua tau mu takkan jumpa blog gua, tapi tetap gua nak cakap sorry andai mu terasa hati. Kbai.

Serius

Ahad, 8 Ramadhan 1435

Maka gua sedang diberi tazkirah berkaitan istikharah.
Oh tuhan, benda berkaitan hati memang boleh buat orang cuak nak mati.
Serius.