Dear Diary,
I believe everyone has things that they're struggling with. Me too. I feel like being 25 is the most challenging for me so far. I mean I don't know how it will be for upcoming years, but definitely, up until now, this year is the hardest one. I never feel like I wanted to die as much as this year. The anxiety & panic attack is real. It's freaking real. I fainted on a train full of people. Also, I never meet the dentist since high school. My teeth are falling apart. My life too.
I know that September is still a long way to go to finish. I'm not saying that this month is hard for me cause somehow, I still manage to stay alive LOL. But I swear to God, it's 22 September and I'm broke as fuck. HOWEVER... I still can lend my friend some money, I managed to pay RM200 for my PT loan, I finished paying to my grandma, and I managed to get few Starbucks merch (lol this one really interest matters). About food for the rest of the month, I guess I will fast. Since I had my period already for this month. And I still have some money left for my coffee dose. So yeah... let's see (and pray) for me to endure the rest of this month.
Somehow, I feel very... grateful. I still have some money left to lend to my friend. I mean, I know that I might need it more, but at that exact moment, she needs it more. Else I don't think she would even ask for only RM50 from me. "Dalam rezeki kita, ada rezeki orang lain." - I read this somewhere before, and I'm glad I've been chosen for this this time you know.
I swear I will save up more next - next - next month. So that whenever my family or my friends in desperate situations, I could help without even thinking twice.
September has been hard on me. But I guess, it's been hard on others as well. Btw, haze is getting worse now. Let's pray for heavy (yet safe) rain to fall yea 🤘🏻
Love, H.