Bliss

Dear Diary,

       I was sad for the last two nights and yesterday as well. I was in deep sorrow, unhappy with everything and disappointed in myself. So just now, before I took EL half-day, my manager asks me to come and talk to him. With him, I rarely kept any secret if it's work-related. He makes sure I didn't keep anything from him.

       So I talked, I cried, I laughed, and I learned. Thankfully I managed to keep the person's name tightly to myself and myself only. I didn't reveal, even tho he almost kills me just to know who's the person that says all those bullshit to me. Thankfully, after I talked to him, I feel so much better. Without even reveal who.

       And then a few hours ago, I confront that person. I told him that I was hurt by him. I told him that I was moody because of him. Just like I said, he doesn't even realize that he did wrong to me. Fast forward, he apologized for what he did, and he revealed something that I felt very touched. He told me that my senior offered himself to switch team and saved me because he trusts me. He knows I can take over his role very well in our team. He believes I can handle and overcome all the shits that will happen in the future. And that's... makes me nearly cry. I mean, for someone vaguely skeptical as him, would dare to place a bet on me, I'm just... stunned and touched. Because all that we know is he offers himself because he wants to learn new things. So I thought, "Oh! Okay.". Consider this opportunity came at the right time. But nah... he was doing that for me. HOW COULD I DIDN'T KNOW SHIT BOUT THAT?! Haish!

       Anyway, I'm glad that person that hurts me, telling me that. It clears my thought and gains back my confidence. At least for... 7%? Glad I found friends among my colleagues. Glad I have people who willing to place a bet and trusting me that much. Glad that I have the same people that would have my back anytime I fall hard. Glad I have these crackheads in my life. Thanks, guys.

Love,  H.

p/s: I'm writing this at Starbucks after decided to run away from work.

Self-destruction mode

They say it's dangerous. Well, "they say".

But do they know they're the one that actually drives a person into this ugly mess?

For sure they don't. Some people don't even care if their opinion, their words are hurting people.

All they want everyone knows is that their opinion matters. Ugh!

That's actually very annoying.

This is what I'm dealing with right now.

Again.

Dear diary,

       Insomnia hits me hard tonight. I cannot get some sleep. I have no mood to continue to do work. I’m battling with my own demon. I’m fighting with the dark thoughts, trying to take over my half-conscious mind. I’m trying to stay alive, to see another day. God, I’m tired. I really am. I can’t stop crying. I feel so jaded. I’m so fuckin disappointed with myself. I feel devastated. God, I wish I could end this. This is so hard for me to bear. I don’t know I can hide this until when. Can’t you just help me put an end to this?

I'm just... tired.

Irreplaceable You

Hi folks. I'm back, with a movie :)

It's called, Irreplaceable You. It's an American romantic comedy-drama film released on 2018.

The story is about a couple (Abbie & Sam), who have been best friends since childhood. When both of them are engaged to be married, Abbie is diagnosed with a stage IV cancer. That's when their lives starting to crash down. However, she embarks on a humorous mission to find a new love for Sam, her fiancé. She tried to arrange his future in case she wasn't in it. But focusing on his "next" made her lose sight of their "now".

"Here's what I know: You don't have as much time as you think do.

It's true for every person on the planet." - Myron

"You can't make me okay without you." - Sam

"... at the end he looked at me and smiled and said, "I'll see you around.".

And I know I will." - Estella, Myron's wife.

"... and I can't help it if you lose your glasses or your socks don't match.

I have to let you go." - Abbie

"And I know we don't have forever, but the truth is, nobody does.

I love you now." - Sam

"I love you, now." - Abbie

"Crocheting IS a metaphor for life. It's really hard." - Abbie