It's about `dat` time !

Halu!

       It's been a while since I visited this digital diary of mine. Life must be good, huh? Or maybe the opposite.  Either way, I'm grateful for these blessings Allah has given me. This must be the answer to all my prayers from younger me. Alhamdulillah for that. Anyway, since I've skipped 4 years of life update, lemme do some recap (for as much as I could remember only lah):-

2022

Jan - found out I was 2 weeks pregnant. somewhere around the Thaipusam Day. then we decided to inform Luke's mum on her birthday, letting her know that she's getting her first grandchild as her 53rd birthday present. 

 Feb until Jun - basically dealing with worst morning sickness. but I would go through again if that what it takes to bring the love of my heart to this world. the sweetest boy, the one that has my whole heart. thank you Allah for this gift ♡

 Jul - finally enjoying foods, satisfying my cravings to the max, gained 10kgs from my before-pregnant-weight, literally no regrets. still drinking coffee up to this day, eventho my hb was below than normal level (8-9) on daily basis.

Aug - what was the most significant changes caused by this pregnancy hormone (other than my weight) ? well, my nose. it got swollen for some reason. like it's tryna tell the world that I'm pregnant. as if my tummy was not obvious enough hm! anyhoo, this month we started our checkup at Hospital UiTM Puncak Alam, as we planned to give birth there. semoga aura pensyarah and all the medics got passed to my child aminnn! OH. here's the part I don't wanna forget :- on 29th, I was having a false contraction, which I initially I felt pain around my pelvic bone. so we visited the PAC and the nurses did a check up, which turn out normal because baby's head has gone down the pelvic area, getting ready to be delivered. after that, I was sent home and get scheduled for another check up on 1st Sep. then, on 31st Aug around Asar time, Luke & I went out on a date to eat Asam Laksa at Ah Cheng Lotus Setia Alam (because I figured I can't eat laksa for a long time after giving birth), but I was having a bearable cramp the whole time we're out. then we came home, I just sat and breath while trying to endure the cramp, like the whole night actually. the reason I didn't go to the PAC again was because the nurse said earlier that the contraction pain would be greater than the period cramp pain. so I figured, I should just wait for the check up on the next day lah.

Sep - we went to the check up as scheduled on 1st Sep. I thought it would be a quick one, so I didn't had any breakfast earlier because we planned to go eat Nasi Kerabu at Hayaki after the check up. Dr did the check up and turns out I already had a 2cm opening ?!! the pain that I had yesterday was actually coming from my child tryna get out LOL. around 11am, Dr said "jom beranak today?" but I was freaking out because I've got task pending on my side to be commit to the github. plus I haven't eat anything ahahhaha. wrong thing to be think of at that moment but I just told her, "OK jomlah". then I informed my husband, the one guy that can't think shit under pressure, he said "should I go buy that nasi kerabu for you right now?" hahahahhahah! then I told him to forget about nasi kerabu, just come here to the hospital, bring the bag we prepared, charger and some bread & cheese. he (literally) didn't even bring the powerbank because I didn't mentioned it and he can't think of it. really can't work under pressure lah this guy. anyhoo, our healthy  precious son arrived at 6:59 pm, Friday, looking so hairy and pink, we named him: Dzar Haziq ❥

Oct - life has been an 180°, in a blessing way Alhamdulillah. son has been diagnosed for prolong jaundice, mainly because I fed him ebm only. but now that he's a month old, I can mix-feed him with formula, which we did. and thank God, his jaundice gone down a lot. within two weeks, he don't have to get blood drawn out of him anymore, Alhamdulillah. it was so painful to see him crying so hard everytime the he got poke with the needles.

Nov & Dec - I don't really remember what was happening around this time, mainly because I was completely occupied with the new lil guy, and... my maternity leave ended which mean I was juggling between two different roles; a software engineer and a mother, which I was really grateful for.

2023

Jan until Aug - tbh, I don't remember any specific event that was happening this year. I bet mainly because both Luke & I had to work our 9-5 job as a software and network engineers, at the same time had to work on our 5-9 job a new parent. oh actually, the new parent thingy is a 24 hours job lah, but we did it anyway. together. beautifully. however, it's putting our 9-5 job on the line. so we had to find a way to handle this. which we did. with Allah's guidance, we found AKE SA. 10 minutes from our house. we gambled on this one, paid almost RM1.9k for the annual fee & registration + first month payment. having child cost a lot huh? hahahahahah. giving birth at Hospital UiTM costs us around RM3.5k (that include minor op & epidural). nevertheless, I will do that again without any second thought. I was and still am, eternally grateful that we're able to withness all of son's milestone, all of his firsts, all of his baby languages, we didn't missed out anything, Alhamdulillah for that. Working while taking care of a less than a year old lil guy was definitely tiring but worth it. Working from home made it happened. 

Sep - son's first birthday! it was a bless and blast.  

 2024

Jan - son started his first playschool. I remembered he fell sick, like a lot. the runny nose phase suddenly started and lasted a while. Oh! 2 weeks after started school, he caught Influenza A and that's not funny ok! but that's what we had to deal with lah since his antibody was never got exposed to outside world before. and mind ya, kids carry lots of germs. mami abi also got flu from kissing the boy, like countless time. 

 Feb until Dec - to be continued... because I've got a Kubernetes setup to do. till then!

Love, H

2021 Recap

Suddenly it's 2022 already. Did I skip a year or what lol? Last time when I was 16, I read everywhere that 2021 is supposed to be awesome. Like flying cars-everywhere kind of awesome. Then suddenly, it's 2021 and I couldn't even fly anywhere. Not even by a plane, HAHA jokes on me. Anyway, here's a recap for my "awesome" 2021.

January 2021 

- I got COVID-19 ! yup. I was here & there; hanging out with Sohais, my high school girlfriends came sleeping over at my house (we even sharing maggi in a pot heh!), Luke came Penang as well. And the next day after sending him home, I found myself shivering on the floor the whole fugging day until I couldn't bear it anymore 20 hours later and called Mas to help bring me to the hospital. With the PKPD and all, she came anyway at 3am and help brings me to Hospital Pantai. 3 hours later, my card got charged RM986.90 because I was tested positive for COVID and none of my insurances got covered for that. Dang! So I have to quarantine for 4 days (if not mistaken), in my room, or at least until my fever went down. Mas has been very very helpful during these days. She cooked, or I think she did. Haha! But she always making sure that I eat on time and took my med la for sure. Super grateful for her existence. After 4 days staying in my room, KKM came and took me to the quarantine centre. I think it was a dental hostel at Penang GH there. I was there for 10 days. Lost my sense of taste and smell the whole week I was there. Lost some weight too hahaha!

February 2021

- Life was not okay. CJ resigned! He's no longer here starting this month hmmm... YZ and WM is following him by end this month. Also, I submit my 2 months notice the next day after YZ left. Other than that, nothing much happened except I just continue working from home, alone for the whole month. Oh! Not to forget, I had to continue paying for the rent of the whole house, all by myself. While paying for my car. Oh! Did I mentioned I got myself a car? *wink*

March 2021

- Celebrating my 4th year workniversary by resigning. I moved out N-Park. Went back Kedah, finishing off my 2 months notice at home, playing with my lil sister & brother. Just enjoying my time with them as much as could for now.

 April 2021

- The most eventful month I could say. It's my last month working in Penang. It was a sweet 4 years I'm not even kidding. I'll be starting working at Selangor by the end of the month. And OH! Luke and I got engaged !! *scream* can I even believe this?? we got tied on our 5th years together heheheheh I'm happiii !

May 2021

-  I'm now a "wizard"! That's what they called themselves here lol. First time in my life, I got stucked at other state during raya because of this damn PKPB. Luckily I got Luke. At least can eat ketupat at his house. I cooked Mama's famous kuah kacang with beef satay for the first time ever, and everyone loves it. *proud*

June 2021

- Luke started new job as a technical engineer, and he sounds happy at new place. Alhamdulillah. Me? Work has been tough. Freaking tough. That's all I remember.

 July 2021

- I've got Feqah joining the team!! So happy! Feels like EP all over again, except the works here are tough, and my teammates sux at communication.

August 2021

- The wedding preparation has been a bit chaotic but I think it's normal la kut. Been travelling back to back KDH-SGR.

September 2021

- My last month staying here at BU 4/4. Moving out by end of this month but still haven't got house to move in yet so my stuffs gonna sit in Ayah's car for a while.

October 2021

- Feqah left. I swear it was tough working here and I support her decision wholeheartly.

- Luke & I, we're getting married whoooohooooo! I mean Alhamdulillah! Never have I ever imagine to marry the guy that I asked for a picture and ran away right after that, 5 years ago during our FIK dinner hahaha. I was so sure that he already had a girlfriend during that time, I mean with that handsome face, how could he not! But turns out he was single, and I became his girlfriend a year later. Cheers to a new life together, forever Insyaallah.

November 2021

- I'm a wife! I'm Luke's wife. It's soooooooo fun living with him istg! He's kind, diligent, hardworking, and so much more. He's been taking over the role of doing dishes, mopping & vaccuming the house, driving me around, and most importantly, making sure I eat on time. Also we received so many presents from our friends. I'm so grateful because those things we received are those in the lists which all are useful items that we really need. Alhamdulillah.

December 2021

-  It's my birthday month, my favourite month of the year! Last year around this month, I went on a roadtrip with Luke, around peninsular. From PNG - PRK - SGR - PHG - TRG - KDH back to PNG. So this year, we couldn't go anywhere but I've Luke as my husband; the greatest gift I could ever asked for. I woke up on my birthday to a small surprise he set up for me. With the balloons, mochi ice creams, my fav cottage cheese, and THE RETRO ESPRESSO MACHINE I've eyeing for a while!!

So... that's how my 2021 went! Got covid, got a new job, got engaged, got married, and most important one, got a coffee machine!! *scream priority*

Life update got delayed.

So these days, you have to push yourself to write so hard it almost feels like BOTD in my head.
I mean, who I'm tryna kidding around here? Procrastination is my middle name ok! Ok anyway, there are so many things that happened in these few months, to me to everyone even to the earth. It was so.. WOW! I may say. I don't want to forget each of these memorable things so let's jot 'em down, shall we?

First, let's start with the pandemic thingy that spreading all over the globe. Corona Virus or it goes by the nickname Covid-19, is legit one famous killer since earlier this year. But Malaysia got affected so bad starts at the end of February. So, we had to go semi-lockdown or the gov called it Movement Control Order (MCO) or PKP which basically just a Malay translation of it. It started March 18th and ended on June 9th. During this phase, everyone is required to stay at home and stay away from each other (or at least, from anyone that lives in a different house). Remember a few months ago I keep whining about wanting my company to give back the WFH privilege to us tech people? Yeah man.. God heard that and grants me the privilege for 4 months! I thank God so much for that (sincerely). I mean, not the pandemic part la but the WFH part ofc.

I've slowly become a home-person now. I feel so lazy to go out even just to throw out garbage. I feel miserable just by thinking about going out. And it gets worse when I came back Penang. Living here alone, I've no choice but to go out to restock my foods and do some groceries by myself. God knows how anxious I am every time I had to get myself ready to go out. I hate walking around with facemask on. I hate having such a tiny little oxygen to inhale every 3 seconds. I hate it when I've to talk some more when I already having difficulties breathing. I used to call Chub every time I'm doing my grocery shopping but now, I couldn't cuz the only thing he could hear is me gasped for air. Sorry for saying this but wearing facemask is suck. But I'm paranoid too so na-uh! I wouldn't risk it. I used to put on facemask only when I'm at the airport or bus terminal but now, even go down lobby take food also I would definitely put it on cuz.. it's a new normal they say (and again, I'm a paranoid bitch). Thanks to that, I now suffering a bad bad bad break out on my cheeks. Damn it. Now the reason I'm putting on mask cuz I was tryna hide the acne & scars. You see, I already sweat a lot on a daily basis. So can you imagine how would I be when I had the mask on for more than 15 minutes? It literally floods in here man. Ugh! I've never had such a bad breakout like I'm having now, and my 26-year-old skin really not gonna get better faster like when I was young.

Ok. Let's move on to the next part. Despite everything that is happening, I found a silver lining that I'm so thankful and grateful for. My family is getting back together again! Oh dear God Almighty, You definitely know how thankful and happy I am. My family has been quite distanced from each other for the last two years. So this year, I was home for 3 months (like everyone else), and I've gotta spend lots of time with my little sister, Azzahra. I even play cook with her, PS, let her do my hair, we read books, watch Netflix, we fought also, we finally make use of my mom's oven that she's not planning to use for the next 3 years by baking some cheesecake & brownies, together. My mom finally gets someone to fix the fan in my room that has been broken for so many years already. Aaaaaah, all I wanna say is that we really use this quarantine time to get closer to each other. And I love that.

The most important memory is, I get to spend the whole Ramadhan at home. Oh dear Lord, how great is that? You're truly The Almighty. Earlier Ramadhan, my Bangchik wants to start a business. Since my mom was apparently on leave from School, and Abang also at home, so we think why not? So, we do it. However, Bangchik gets a little tired from doing all that, and he thinks it's not really worth it cuz he's not getting back the profit, so he stops doing it. But for me, it was worth it. We get the experience and my mom seems like enjoying it so much cuz people like her recipe. Not gonna lie man, she's a good cook. And then, we also cooked together for Raya. Everyone joining the party. We make my favorite Soto Ayam this year. I was in charge of the cili kicap. Man.. it was hot selling I told ya. Also, Along somehow get a pass to come back a day before Raya and he requested Nasi Daging. Ma doesn't want to let him down so she cooked that as well. Wah seriously, this year Raya was so happening (even tho I didn't get a bonus and couldn't give much to my siblings and then they attacking me for having an iPhone11 Pro but give them duit Raya so little but whatever, I love them anyway). Oh! Another thing I like was, I didn't miss any sahoor at all! Except for the day that I cannot puasa, but yeah I totally did not miss it. AzZahra too!! Lord.. I miss my dad :<

Speaking of Az-Zahra, can you believe that she only missed 5 out of 30 days of fasting this year? She's only 7 this year and this is her first-time puasa! Walao eh this girl! Such a strong girl with a strong spirit. I promised her I would give her RM5 per day for every day that she managed to hold herself and man.. who am I kidding? Hahaha! I would never forget she would come to me and negotiate about that RM5 and what can she buys with it and is it worth it cuz if it's not, she wants to break the fast. It takes the whole family to persuade her. Not that we forced her to fast but she doesn't want to eat anything if she's breaking it. She just wants to drink water or milk at 5pm and then want to continue back the fasting. It's such a loss, right? So that's why we wouldn't allow her to do so.

Oklah. I'm getting sleepy now. I promise I will continue writing cuz Nad says, go write out the things I want to rant. Instead of telling to someone and not getting the response that I expected. So yeah, later!

Happee 2020! NOT!

It's a brand new year. I've been listening to the hype of 2020 thingy since forever. And now, the year that everyone has been waiting for is here. But then... *pardon my realist-side talking* the corruption in politics are still there, the world is worsening day by day, the natural disaster is happening more frequent nowadays, digital taxes has started on this country I'm living right now, and most importantly, there's nothing much improvement happened to me. *sigh*

       Seriously, I don't feel like having a New Year's resolution at all. Okay, let's do some catching up session. My housemate left, so I'm taking over her room (which, I don't really like it because this room is a bit small but the bed is taking over all the spaces this room has. However, I don't have much choice anyway). Also, I'm taking over her role before means now I'm the tenant in charge of this house. This means I've to spent lots of money this month. FML! The second day of 2020 and I already spent RM1.2k just to pay back to her the deposit, and need to cover 2 rooms in this house while actively looking for a new housemate as well. I'm fucking picky some more, so it is hard. Damn, adulthood really kicking me in the balls, even tho I don't have one. lol.

       I'm trying to take the responsibilities for my family as well, so yeah. I'm paying for the bills at home. That's the least I could do anyway. God. Please open for me more opportunities so I can grab more and earn more. Life is seriously hard.

So, maybe... these are my New Year's resolutions. Maybe it sounds like imagination but hey, why not?

• Getting myself an iPhone 11 Pro because my current phone is legit a time bomb that could die anytime soon. Also, why would I aim for that? Because I deserve that. It's my fucking money and I work my ass so hard for it.
• Write. Write about anything. Work out my brain. When I feel sad, write. When I'm angry, write. Work harder on hiding my emotions. I'm too old for that. So, stop it. Be mature.
• Write a bullet journal, at least once a week.
• Paint. At least twice a month. Find some inner peace. Practice makes perfect.
• Manage my cashflow. Know your desire, necessity, savings.
• Work more on coding skills. Learn new things every day. 
• Appreciate. Every little thing. Show people appreciation.
• Give more attention to my siblings, and L. They deserve that.
• Start my new project/business. Research more on that. That's what would give you more income.

I guess. That's all for now? I'm hungry already. Gonna go make something for lunch. Till then, adios!

Love, H

Bliss

Dear Diary,

       I was sad for the last two nights and yesterday as well. I was in deep sorrow, unhappy with everything and disappointed in myself. So just now, before I took EL half-day, my manager asks me to come and talk to him. With him, I rarely kept any secret if it's work-related. He makes sure I didn't keep anything from him.

       So I talked, I cried, I laughed, and I learned. Thankfully I managed to keep the person's name tightly to myself and myself only. I didn't reveal, even tho he almost kills me just to know who's the person that says all those bullshit to me. Thankfully, after I talked to him, I feel so much better. Without even reveal who.

       And then a few hours ago, I confront that person. I told him that I was hurt by him. I told him that I was moody because of him. Just like I said, he doesn't even realize that he did wrong to me. Fast forward, he apologized for what he did, and he revealed something that I felt very touched. He told me that my senior offered himself to switch team and saved me because he trusts me. He knows I can take over his role very well in our team. He believes I can handle and overcome all the shits that will happen in the future. And that's... makes me nearly cry. I mean, for someone vaguely skeptical as him, would dare to place a bet on me, I'm just... stunned and touched. Because all that we know is he offers himself because he wants to learn new things. So I thought, "Oh! Okay.". Consider this opportunity came at the right time. But nah... he was doing that for me. HOW COULD I DIDN'T KNOW SHIT BOUT THAT?! Haish!

       Anyway, I'm glad that person that hurts me, telling me that. It clears my thought and gains back my confidence. At least for... 7%? Glad I found friends among my colleagues. Glad I have people who willing to place a bet and trusting me that much. Glad that I have the same people that would have my back anytime I fall hard. Glad I have these crackheads in my life. Thanks, guys.

Love,  H.

p/s: I'm writing this at Starbucks after decided to run away from work.

Self-destruction mode

They say it's dangerous. Well, "they say".

But do they know they're the one that actually drives a person into this ugly mess?

For sure they don't. Some people don't even care if their opinion, their words are hurting people.

All they want everyone knows is that their opinion matters. Ugh!

That's actually very annoying.

This is what I'm dealing with right now.

Thanks 2018, next!

Hello... folks!

Happy New Year 2019 to you, and your loved ones!

How was your 2018? Are you satisfied with everything? Or maybe.. some things? Well, I hope you do have some good things that happened in 2018 that gonna make you smiling while recapping it and makes u excited to plan for the better in 2019!

As for me, 2018 was a very challenging year! I wasn’t lying tho 🖖🏻

It was a year full of sins, lessons, happiness, disappointments, insecurities, and memories. I still remember I had some episodes due to these family issues I had. It hurts so bad.

My relationship with L also wasn't so smooth. I had tough times dealing with my own emotions, feeling of regrets, feeling of disgusts, and so many things. I ignored him a lot. I let him down, I hurt his feelings, and so much more. Yet, he's still sticking with me, encourage me, and never blame me. I love u, L.

Apart from these two major (bad) things, I had very understanding colleagues that now I call them friends. I become more close to them, my high school friends, my best girlfriends, and my siblings. I had fun at work, learning new things every day, getting more stronger and grown mature. That's what matters the most.

So yeah, that's how I conclude my 2018. Full of everything good and bad. Thank u, 2018. Next!

First Job

Holla peeps!

Guess what?! I just called it a day on my first day at EasyParcel Sdn Bhd.

This is my first official job, to be honest. Working as a web developer.

Me, a 23 years old girl, just finished my internship yesterday and started my first job today weeeeeeehoooooooooo! So, basically I need to pass the probation phase first la before I can call it my official job but naah.. who cares? I just feel very confident about this. Like.. I'm gonna love this job, this environment, my colleagues, and everything 🎊

Shit gonna happen anyways.. It's normal. That's life. But what matters is how we gonna deal with it. Good luck to myself and let's enjoy working on what I love to do!

P/s: Hey codes.. you better be good to me!

Hari pertama

3 Zulhijjah 1437H

First day of internship @ SmartLab Sdn Bhd!

Jiayou!!