Dear Diary,
September has ended, and I survived! Yay me! Okay, this may sound like nothing much but hey, surviving a month with so little money and alone, is so fucking hard I tell you. Try being a 25 years old working gal with no saving (because I've used up all for personal reason) and total RM19 in your current bank account, then you'll understand what I mean.
Anyway, my entry today is not about my bank account or how I survived last month (dude, because God has my back, obviously) or anything related to last month. No. I just wanna write my thoughts out, about going out alone or in my term I would say "lepak sorang".
Okay geng, basically lepak sorang ni takde isu pun sebenarnya. Until some people make it like it's a big issue, make it looks pathetic if you're going out alone, shopping or eating all by yourself. But actually, it is not. Okay, first of all, don't take my words as I'm being bias or what. For me, a girl or guy that can do this shows how independence they are. They don't care about people being judgy towards their decisions. They don't mind breaking the stigma about being pathetic or what so ever. This kind of person earns my respect *hats off*.
To be honest, I'm also a bit like this, doesn't mind lepak sorang, but somehow, my friends will feel pity for me. I'm not sure why tho 🤔. Maybe... maybe I look lonely, but definitely, I don't feel lonely. I feel free. I feel happy. I feel like I'm not a burden or a nuisance to anyone. That's what matters. I have total freedom, all by myself. Based on my experience, if I have to go out with anyone, usually they'll have to wait for me. Well, most of the time, yes. And then, sometimes I do feel a bit rush. Also, I have to think of others, in terms of making decisions and such. I cannot simply say I want to go this and want to eat that and want to see this, without considering their feelings. So yeah, it sucks. Since I'm a freaking picky eater and a very random person, I really hate making plans and such. So, by enjoying my time alone, I'll have all the time in the world, all by myself. Oh! Forget to mention, I hate waiting. Damn, I hate it so much. I'll slowly lose my patience, feel very annoyed and I'll lose the mood already.
I do have a boyfriend. Yes. You remember L? He's still the man of my life. We do going out sometimes, but yeah LDR is like that one. We only meet up sometimes. That's how I end up on my own most of the time. Friends? I don't do LDR with my friends lol but of course, not every day or every week I'm going out with them la. We meet up some times, or we spend some hours shopping together, going gig or maybe just, going out eat, catching up session and things like that.
So yeah. You get what I mean huh? To my fellow friends who read this entry, being alone sometimes doesn't mean you're lonely. It means you're brave enough to embrace your freedom and enjoy it to the fullest. If I can do this, tell me why you can't?
Love, H.