Happee 2020! NOT!

It's a brand new year. I've been listening to the hype of 2020 thingy since forever. And now, the year that everyone has been waiting for is here. But then... *pardon my realist-side talking* the corruption in politics are still there, the world is worsening day by day, the natural disaster is happening more frequent nowadays, digital taxes has started on this country I'm living right now, and most importantly, there's nothing much improvement happened to me. *sigh*

       Seriously, I don't feel like having a New Year's resolution at all. Okay, let's do some catching up session. My housemate left, so I'm taking over her room (which, I don't really like it because this room is a bit small but the bed is taking over all the spaces this room has. However, I don't have much choice anyway). Also, I'm taking over her role before means now I'm the tenant in charge of this house. This means I've to spent lots of money this month. FML! The second day of 2020 and I already spent RM1.2k just to pay back to her the deposit, and need to cover 2 rooms in this house while actively looking for a new housemate as well. I'm fucking picky some more, so it is hard. Damn, adulthood really kicking me in the balls, even tho I don't have one. lol.

       I'm trying to take the responsibilities for my family as well, so yeah. I'm paying for the bills at home. That's the least I could do anyway. God. Please open for me more opportunities so I can grab more and earn more. Life is seriously hard.

So, maybe... these are my New Year's resolutions. Maybe it sounds like imagination but hey, why not?

• Getting myself an iPhone 11 Pro because my current phone is legit a time bomb that could die anytime soon. Also, why would I aim for that? Because I deserve that. It's my fucking money and I work my ass so hard for it.
• Write. Write about anything. Work out my brain. When I feel sad, write. When I'm angry, write. Work harder on hiding my emotions. I'm too old for that. So, stop it. Be mature.
• Write a bullet journal, at least once a week.
• Paint. At least twice a month. Find some inner peace. Practice makes perfect.
• Manage my cashflow. Know your desire, necessity, savings.
• Work more on coding skills. Learn new things every day. 
• Appreciate. Every little thing. Show people appreciation.
• Give more attention to my siblings, and L. They deserve that.
• Start my new project/business. Research more on that. That's what would give you more income.

I guess. That's all for now? I'm hungry already. Gonna go make something for lunch. Till then, adios!

Love, H

December, Baby

Dear Diary,

       I survived 25 years old of living, today!

Sad tho

Dear Diary,

       Today I'm at my usual place, Starbucks, trying to finish one or two tasks at least because this week is the sprint ends. But somehow, I lost all the mood I had due to something happened that I didn't see that coming. What happened?

       Earlier this month, Starbucks released a pink planner called Siren Edition. It can be redeemed by purchasing 15 beverages. So today, I completed the task. However, the planner that I want has already out of stock. I.. wanna cry ☹️Because, out of all Starbucks here in Penang, I was expecting that at least here will have few stocks left. However, I'm wrong. And I'm seriously too sad to do any work now. Sound childish ey. But that's happened la.

       I don't know what went wrong with me, but my mental health has been up and down these two weeks. Last week, I cried. I miss having Ned here tho. Previously, when she's still working here at the same office with me, I would go find her and hug her and cried as much as I want. For no specific reason. And then I would go back to my place, continue to do work. Ned being Ned, she won't ask why or what. She'll just let me cry my heart out and will wait till I'm ready to tell her by myself. But now, I cannot do the same anymore. There's no one like her. Centimetre will ask me repeatedly the whats and whys. F and A, I'm not how they will react to that. But none of them are reachable anyway on that day. So, I just go to the ladies and cried.

       I also somehow, open up to F. Regarding the struggle I'm facing with my inner demon. I don't know what triggers that. But now, I'm 50-50 feeling regret and relieve about telling her. LOL me. I also, having a cold ward with the dude who's sitting beside me at the office. I consider him a friend, but now he's an enemy. I ran away from my place and it's been a little bit awkward, meeting him at the pantry and talking to him in slack. But he started first. And I'm not talking to him until he apologizes first.

      Other than that, ermmmmmm 🤔Oh! I didn't join the festival this month. Why eh? Oh! I think because I'm broke? Or I think it's because it's a food festival. I'm not really into that anyway.

      So... I think that's all I want to rant this time. Till next time ^^

Love, H.

p/s: Oh! I've upgraded my IOS and it was so unplanned. ok dats all.