Opaque

Hello there, hi.

First and foremost, Ramadhan Kareem! ✨

As you can see, I'm restarting my blog (if you're following me from the beginning, you'll realize). Yeah, I'm rebooting it.

Today, I've been thinking of starting over a new blog. For no describable reason, I just wanna start all over again. But then when I re-think back, it would be a waste. I mean, it's not like everyone know this blog as I only shared the link with some of my friends. So tonight, I log in to my blog, go to the list of entries, delete that thought of starting a new blog, and just archived all my previous entries instead.

Now, let me be honest. This month was pretty hectic for me. Like sometimes I felt so down and entirely demotivated. Sometimes, everything feels so high and exciting! And sometimes, I felt so lonely. The loneliness was deadly. It's not like I was craving for attention. Seriously I get all the attention from my pals, fam, L, even my colleagues, but it was me who told them off. I felt like... Can everyone go shut the f up? Or can I just die now? Or can someone please help kill me? Or I just wanna resign, please. Everything's so tiring.

I don't know folks. I don't even know what it is. I mean, the thing that has been bothering me. I tried talking to someone about this tho. Yes, I did. But, you know... yadda yadda... I've been there, this phase. No worries, it will pass. Other than that, try re-check this and that. There must be something wrong with your ibadah and such. Also got some like, kau jangan layan sangat your dark thoughts tu. And my reply was... "Okay. Noted with thanks.".

Folks, this dark thought, it comes from inside. So please, if you just gonna tell me to re-check my imaan and spiritual and such, thank you so much. Google told me already. I tried already. But I guess, I'll just have to deal with it by myself. No one will understand how's that feel so... let's not wasting our energy.

Anyway, these few days have been much better for me - somehow 🌻

I wish it will continue being better and my old self will come back, enjoying her dream job and living a happy life. As always.

Harlo, readers *waving like a Queen*...

Guess what? I've been receiving this kind of question lately which is... *drumroll*

" How's life? "

       LOL! Hahaha! I found this interesting, somehow. I mean, yeah man. Life is good. Life is great. Sometimes, life treats me like shit. But y'know what? That's how the universe works.  But seriously, as for me, I think life is great. I'm doing good in my job. I'm getting along very well with my colleagues. I'm getting full support from my family and Luq. Above all... I'm enjoying my life.

       However, to be honest... weeks before today wasn't that great. I was so stressed. I felt useless. I'm too lazy to finish my task, I spent most of my time watching The Flash instead of working. And the worst thing happened was... I delayed my prayers. I'm so at my worst, somehow. First and foremost, I think that's the reason why I became so... empty and stress and useless. Because I delayed my prayers. I neglect my responsibility as a Muslim.

Monday Blues

Assalamualaikum, heyya peeps!

Happy Monday (blues)!

       Actually, I don't know why am I typing this entry instead of working on my codes right now, but one thing fosho.. Monday Blues hit me so hard today. I'm not kidding guys.

       Just now (literally a few minutes ago), I was drawing the flow chart on the wall while figuring out what columns should I create for the new table in the database. BUT somehow, I ended up here. Gosh! My brain really stops functioning for a while and I guess I should let it rest first. So please human.. do not wake my brain up.

       So for now, let's do something that doesn't require a brain. Something like.. gossiping? Hehehe I'm such a girl la gossiping at the workplace.

       Okay. Long story short, I'm not doing well with my high school friends a.k.a my best friend a.k.a my sister-from-a-different-mom at this moment. Our 10 years friendship is going downhill and I seriously don't know what to do. I have no idea on how to prevent it (or to save it? Not really sure which term should I use). I'm not gonna put the whole story here la kan HAHAHA YOU WISH! but I really need some useful-plus-not-so-cheesy-and-typical-drama-like advice on how to *insert the correct term here* this friendship.

       We've been knowing each other for 10 years now but somehow, we never fought like this before. I mean this worst. I've never been this ego with anyone, she also never shows me this side of her so hm.. this is very new to us la. After a few conversations (i mean like the paragraph in MUET), what I found is both of us got so many things to say to each other. Like things (the bitter one, the sarcasm one, the harsh one) yang kitorang dah pendam for so long. Tapi, itulah. Ego beb. We both quite keras kepala actually. Even aku pun, dalam duk tengah typing ni, tak rasa pun nak explain baik-baik kat dia but boleh pula kan aku gossip kat sini. Hm... Why Hann why? Why la u so complicated like this?

       One thing yang aku rasa bila kitorang communicate is "I really can't solve this problem this way. We have to meet somewhere, sit and talk.".. But I never told her that. I don't know..

#Hey if you're reading this, please pretend you don't know me. This is quite embarrassing 😓