Assalamualaikum. Hi stalkers *waving hand*
I actually tengah lipat kain tadi. Suddenly I remember something and I would like to post it here since it's been ages I stop blogging so yeah.. I said I tryna be active in my last post remember?
So.. this happened last year actually. And today, I can see that he already moved on (oh I mean, get back with his ex).. Let's named him Iman (bukan nama sebenar of course. u think I'm crazy to reveal his full name? hahahha)
We've been knowing each other since matriculation. So basically, dia modul lain, aku modul lain. Boleh kenal pun sebab mutual friends la if I'm not mistaken. And kitorang start contact betul-betul since dah habis matriculation. And to be honest, dia je kawan lelaki yang aku rapat and kerap contact masatu. He did mention yang dia nak relationship yang lebih dari kawan, but kitorang kan baru kenal so I thought like "hm.. leklu. kau tak nampak lagi my shittiest side so tak payah la nak suka lagi.."
And.. both of us dapat sambung degree alhamdulillah. Bukan sama universiti la tapi (again.. alhamdulillah). Aku lega actually bila dapat uni tak sama dengan orang yang aku kenal. Sebab I wanna start a new life with a new circle of friends, I wanna change myself to be a better person also, and at the same time, I still have my old friends. Just.. in another life. I mean, WEH GIRLS! WE HAVE DIFFERENT SIDES TO SHOW AND DIFFERENT LIFE TO LIVE WHEN WE LEPAK WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE AM I RIGHT??
Oi. Let's go back to Iman. Sorry la I exaggerate pulak huhu.
Okay, so lepas habis second-year degree.. we're still a friend. I really cannot sayang dia as a boyfriend I don't know why. Maybe during that particular time, that part of my brain dried a lil bit I'm not sure but I know I sayang dia. Sayang like I don't wanna lose him but I also cannot accept his feelings duhh girls.. why I'm complicated like that. I dunno I'm sorry..
And masuk our third-year degree, we barely contact. We enjoyed living our own life and just follow the flow. We both hold onto this saying "kalau ada jodoh, ada lah". And time ni aku dah yakin gila yang aku memang cannot accept lah this guy punya feelings. He deserves someone else. We're not on the same wavelength. Lepas aku sedar ni, aku memang layan dia as a friend. I made it crystal clear so that dia tak lagi menaruh harapan and misunderstanding on how I treat him.
Wow! It took me almost three years to be clear about my feeling. I'm such a bitch I know. Back then when I'm still confused, I did ask him to find a girl that suits him. Find someone that capable to love you the same as you could offer. But, he decided to wait for me. Wait for me to be clear about my feeling.
And in return, after three years.. he gets friend-zoned.