Harlo, readers *waving like a Queen*...

Guess what? I've been receiving this kind of question lately which is... *drumroll*

" How's life? "

       LOL! Hahaha! I found this interesting, somehow. I mean, yeah man. Life is good. Life is great. Sometimes, life treats me like shit. But y'know what? That's how the universe works.  But seriously, as for me, I think life is great. I'm doing good in my job. I'm getting along very well with my colleagues. I'm getting full support from my family and Luq. Above all... I'm enjoying my life.

       However, to be honest... weeks before today wasn't that great. I was so stressed. I felt useless. I'm too lazy to finish my task, I spent most of my time watching The Flash instead of working. And the worst thing happened was... I delayed my prayers. I'm so at my worst, somehow. First and foremost, I think that's the reason why I became so... empty and stress and useless. Because I delayed my prayers. I neglect my responsibility as a Muslim.

Monday Blues

Assalamualaikum, heyya peeps!

Happy Monday (blues)!

       Actually, I don't know why am I typing this entry instead of working on my codes right now, but one thing fosho.. Monday Blues hit me so hard today. I'm not kidding guys.

       Just now (literally a few minutes ago), I was drawing the flow chart on the wall while figuring out what columns should I create for the new table in the database. BUT somehow, I ended up here. Gosh! My brain really stops functioning for a while and I guess I should let it rest first. So please human.. do not wake my brain up.

       So for now, let's do something that doesn't require a brain. Something like.. gossiping? Hehehe I'm such a girl la gossiping at the workplace.

       Okay. Long story short, I'm not doing well with my high school friends a.k.a my best friend a.k.a my sister-from-a-different-mom at this moment. Our 10 years friendship is going downhill and I seriously don't know what to do. I have no idea on how to prevent it (or to save it? Not really sure which term should I use). I'm not gonna put the whole story here la kan HAHAHA YOU WISH! but I really need some useful-plus-not-so-cheesy-and-typical-drama-like advice on how to *insert the correct term here* this friendship.

       We've been knowing each other for 10 years now but somehow, we never fought like this before. I mean this worst. I've never been this ego with anyone, she also never shows me this side of her so hm.. this is very new to us la. After a few conversations (i mean like the paragraph in MUET), what I found is both of us got so many things to say to each other. Like things (the bitter one, the sarcasm one, the harsh one) yang kitorang dah pendam for so long. Tapi, itulah. Ego beb. We both quite keras kepala actually. Even aku pun, dalam duk tengah typing ni, tak rasa pun nak explain baik-baik kat dia but boleh pula kan aku gossip kat sini. Hm... Why Hann why? Why la u so complicated like this?

       One thing yang aku rasa bila kitorang communicate is "I really can't solve this problem this way. We have to meet somewhere, sit and talk.".. But I never told her that. I don't know..

#Hey if you're reading this, please pretend you don't know me. This is quite embarrassing 😓

"I love you." - thank you

Assalamualaikum. Hi stalkers *waving hand*

I actually tengah lipat kain tadi. Suddenly I remember something and I would like to post it here since it's been ages I stop blogging so yeah.. I said I tryna be active in my last post remember?

So.. this happened last year actually. And today, I can see that he already moved on (oh I mean, get back with his ex).. Let's named him Iman (bukan nama sebenar of course. u think I'm crazy to reveal his full name? hahahha)

We've been knowing each other since matriculation. So basically, dia modul lain, aku modul lain. Boleh kenal pun sebab mutual friends la if I'm not mistaken.  And kitorang start contact betul-betul since dah habis matriculation. And to be honest, dia je kawan lelaki yang aku rapat and kerap contact masatu. He did mention yang dia nak relationship yang lebih dari kawan, but kitorang kan baru kenal so I thought like "hm.. leklu. kau tak nampak lagi my shittiest side so tak payah la nak suka lagi.."

And.. both of us dapat sambung degree alhamdulillah.  Bukan sama universiti la tapi (again.. alhamdulillah). Aku lega actually bila dapat uni tak sama dengan orang yang aku kenal. Sebab I wanna start a new life with a new circle of friends, I wanna change myself to be a better person also, and at the same time, I still have my old friends. Just.. in another life. I mean, WEH GIRLS! WE HAVE DIFFERENT SIDES TO SHOW AND DIFFERENT LIFE TO LIVE WHEN WE LEPAK WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE AM I RIGHT??

Oi. Let's go back to Iman. Sorry la I exaggerate pulak huhu.

Okay, so lepas habis second-year degree.. we're still a friend. I really cannot sayang dia as a boyfriend I don't know why. Maybe during that particular time, that part of my brain dried a lil bit I'm not sure but I know I sayang dia. Sayang like I don't wanna lose him but I also cannot accept his feelings duhh girls.. why I'm complicated like that. I dunno I'm sorry..

And masuk our third-year degree, we barely contact. We enjoyed living our own life and just follow the flow. We both hold onto this saying "kalau ada jodoh, ada lah".  And time ni aku dah yakin gila yang aku memang cannot accept lah this guy punya feelings. He deserves someone else. We're not on the same wavelength. Lepas aku sedar ni, aku memang layan dia as a friend. I made it crystal clear so that dia tak lagi menaruh harapan and misunderstanding on how I treat him.

Wow! It took me almost three years to be clear about my feeling. I'm such a bitch I know. Back then when I'm still confused, I did ask him to find a girl that suits him. Find someone that capable to love you the same as you could offer. But, he decided to wait for me. Wait for me to be clear about my feeling.

And in return, after three years.. he gets friend-zoned.