Dear Diary,
Today I'm at my usual place, Starbucks, trying to finish one or two tasks at least because this week is the sprint ends. But somehow, I lost all the mood I had due to something happened that I didn't see that coming. What happened?
Earlier this month, Starbucks released a pink planner called Siren Edition. It can be redeemed by purchasing 15 beverages. So today, I completed the task. However, the planner that I want has already out of stock. I.. wanna cry ☹️Because, out of all Starbucks here in Penang, I was expecting that at least here will have few stocks left. However, I'm wrong. And I'm seriously too sad to do any work now. Sound childish ey. But that's happened la.
I don't know what went wrong with me, but my mental health has been up and down these two weeks. Last week, I cried. I miss having Ned here tho. Previously, when she's still working here at the same office with me, I would go find her and hug her and cried as much as I want. For no specific reason. And then I would go back to my place, continue to do work. Ned being Ned, she won't ask why or what. She'll just let me cry my heart out and will wait till I'm ready to tell her by myself. But now, I cannot do the same anymore. There's no one like her. Centimetre will ask me repeatedly the whats and whys. F and A, I'm not how they will react to that. But none of them are reachable anyway on that day. So, I just go to the ladies and cried.
I also somehow, open up to F. Regarding the struggle I'm facing with my inner demon. I don't know what triggers that. But now, I'm 50-50 feeling regret and relieve about telling her. LOL me. I also, having a cold ward with the dude who's sitting beside me at the office. I consider him a friend, but now he's an enemy. I ran away from my place and it's been a little bit awkward, meeting him at the pantry and talking to him in slack. But he started first. And I'm not talking to him until he apologizes first.
Other than that, ermmmmmm 🤔Oh! I didn't join the festival this month. Why eh? Oh! I think because I'm broke? Or I think it's because it's a food festival. I'm not really into that anyway.
So... I think that's all I want to rant this time. Till next time ^^
Love, H.
p/s: Oh! I've upgraded my IOS and it was so unplanned. ok dats all.
Sunday, October 06, 2019
Missed
Dear God,
I missed my dad. I missed having a dad. I missed calling my dad "Abah". I missed having someone worry about me, as sincere as my dad did. I missed being scolded by my dad when I did wrong. I missed having someone checking on me when I'm sick and when I didn't come home after so long. Seriously. I already forgot when was the last time I came home. Home doesn't feel like home anymore ever since you left.
Everything went wrong. Everyone went to separate ways. When you left, you took our souls as well I guess. But then, I'm trying my best not to let Abang, Bangchik, Kakak, and Adik feel left out by me. God, please give me strength. I really need it. Please give me lots of rezeki yang diberkati dan diredhai as well. I promise to take of them, and I want to do it before I die.
I really missed my dad. Al-fatihah for you, Abah.
Love, Angah.
I missed my dad. I missed having a dad. I missed calling my dad "Abah". I missed having someone worry about me, as sincere as my dad did. I missed being scolded by my dad when I did wrong. I missed having someone checking on me when I'm sick and when I didn't come home after so long. Seriously. I already forgot when was the last time I came home. Home doesn't feel like home anymore ever since you left.
Everything went wrong. Everyone went to separate ways. When you left, you took our souls as well I guess. But then, I'm trying my best not to let Abang, Bangchik, Kakak, and Adik feel left out by me. God, please give me strength. I really need it. Please give me lots of rezeki yang diberkati dan diredhai as well. I promise to take of them, and I want to do it before I die.
I really missed my dad. Al-fatihah for you, Abah.
Love, Angah.
Saturday, October 05, 2019
Survived
Dear Diary,
September has ended, and I survived! Yay me! Okay, this may sound like nothing much but hey, surviving a month with so little money and alone, is so fucking hard I tell you. Try being a 25 years old working gal with no saving (because I've used up all for personal reason) and total RM19 in your current bank account, then you'll understand what I mean.
Anyway, my entry today is not about my bank account or how I survived last month (dude, because God has my back, obviously) or anything related to last month. No. I just wanna write my thoughts out, about going out alone or in my term I would say "lepak sorang".
Okay geng, basically lepak sorang ni takde isu pun sebenarnya. Until some people make it like it's a big issue, make it looks pathetic if you're going out alone, shopping or eating all by yourself. But actually, it is not. Okay, first of all, don't take my words as I'm being bias or what. For me, a girl or guy that can do this shows how independence they are. They don't care about people being judgy towards their decisions. They don't mind breaking the stigma about being pathetic or what so ever. This kind of person earns my respect *hats off*.
To be honest, I'm also a bit like this, doesn't mind lepak sorang, but somehow, my friends will feel pity for me. I'm not sure why tho 🤔. Maybe... maybe I look lonely, but definitely, I don't feel lonely. I feel free. I feel happy. I feel like I'm not a burden or a nuisance to anyone. That's what matters. I have total freedom, all by myself. Based on my experience, if I have to go out with anyone, usually they'll have to wait for me. Well, most of the time, yes. And then, sometimes I do feel a bit rush. Also, I have to think of others, in terms of making decisions and such. I cannot simply say I want to go this and want to eat that and want to see this, without considering their feelings. So yeah, it sucks. Since I'm a freaking picky eater and a very random person, I really hate making plans and such. So, by enjoying my time alone, I'll have all the time in the world, all by myself. Oh! Forget to mention, I hate waiting. Damn, I hate it so much. I'll slowly lose my patience, feel very annoyed and I'll lose the mood already.
I do have a boyfriend. Yes. You remember L? He's still the man of my life. We do going out sometimes, but yeah LDR is like that one. We only meet up sometimes. That's how I end up on my own most of the time. Friends? I don't do LDR with my friends lol but of course, not every day or every week I'm going out with them la. We meet up some times, or we spend some hours shopping together, going gig or maybe just, going out eat, catching up session and things like that.
So yeah. You get what I mean huh? To my fellow friends who read this entry, being alone sometimes doesn't mean you're lonely. It means you're brave enough to embrace your freedom and enjoy it to the fullest. If I can do this, tell me why you can't?
Love, H.
September has ended, and I survived! Yay me! Okay, this may sound like nothing much but hey, surviving a month with so little money and alone, is so fucking hard I tell you. Try being a 25 years old working gal with no saving (because I've used up all for personal reason) and total RM19 in your current bank account, then you'll understand what I mean.
Anyway, my entry today is not about my bank account or how I survived last month (dude, because God has my back, obviously) or anything related to last month. No. I just wanna write my thoughts out, about going out alone or in my term I would say "lepak sorang".
Okay geng, basically lepak sorang ni takde isu pun sebenarnya. Until some people make it like it's a big issue, make it looks pathetic if you're going out alone, shopping or eating all by yourself. But actually, it is not. Okay, first of all, don't take my words as I'm being bias or what. For me, a girl or guy that can do this shows how independence they are. They don't care about people being judgy towards their decisions. They don't mind breaking the stigma about being pathetic or what so ever. This kind of person earns my respect *hats off*.
To be honest, I'm also a bit like this, doesn't mind lepak sorang, but somehow, my friends will feel pity for me. I'm not sure why tho 🤔. Maybe... maybe I look lonely, but definitely, I don't feel lonely. I feel free. I feel happy. I feel like I'm not a burden or a nuisance to anyone. That's what matters. I have total freedom, all by myself. Based on my experience, if I have to go out with anyone, usually they'll have to wait for me. Well, most of the time, yes. And then, sometimes I do feel a bit rush. Also, I have to think of others, in terms of making decisions and such. I cannot simply say I want to go this and want to eat that and want to see this, without considering their feelings. So yeah, it sucks. Since I'm a freaking picky eater and a very random person, I really hate making plans and such. So, by enjoying my time alone, I'll have all the time in the world, all by myself. Oh! Forget to mention, I hate waiting. Damn, I hate it so much. I'll slowly lose my patience, feel very annoyed and I'll lose the mood already.
I do have a boyfriend. Yes. You remember L? He's still the man of my life. We do going out sometimes, but yeah LDR is like that one. We only meet up sometimes. That's how I end up on my own most of the time. Friends? I don't do LDR with my friends lol but of course, not every day or every week I'm going out with them la. We meet up some times, or we spend some hours shopping together, going gig or maybe just, going out eat, catching up session and things like that.
So yeah. You get what I mean huh? To my fellow friends who read this entry, being alone sometimes doesn't mean you're lonely. It means you're brave enough to embrace your freedom and enjoy it to the fullest. If I can do this, tell me why you can't?
Love, H.
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